The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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