let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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