Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
