Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The air taste purple.
Randomize
