It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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