I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
