Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
