tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Girls should come with a carfax report
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
