At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
