As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
