You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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