is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
