You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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