i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
