What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
