i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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