I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
