ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
