Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
