I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I need help removing her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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