From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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