I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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