i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
