Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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