I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
