Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
