i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
