I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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