Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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