dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
