During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
one might say we're banned from that church
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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