You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
