Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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