can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
