Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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