I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
