I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
