i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
