I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
