Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
