I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
