Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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