Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
