As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize