I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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