So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I had to cum in my sink.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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