My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
