I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
