I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
