see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize