im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
