I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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