I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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