I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
