Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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