You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
