I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
