when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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