He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think I am morally bankrupt
babies were throwing up all over the place
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
