Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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