so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
