you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
