just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
