I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
