my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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