I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
