New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
