yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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