he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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