these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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