he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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