I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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