She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
