so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
