I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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