I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize