he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
50% drunk capacity currently
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
