We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
