Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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