BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
