So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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