I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize